There’s this idea we’re taught…that joy and happiness only belong in the “good” moments.
When life is working and when things are going our way it is easy to find joy.
But if you’ve lived long enough, you know that’s not how life actually works.
Some of the hardest seasons…carry moments of the deepest connection, the deepest reflection - and yes, even joy.
I remember when I lost my father. There was grief, of course with the pain, however there were also moments of pure joy - where we laughed, remembered, and felt something warm cut through it all.
It didn’t replace the pain. But it existed alongside it.
And that changed something for me.
Joy Isn’t the Same as Happiness
Happiness often depends on circumstances.
Joy is different.
Joy is quieter.
More accessible.
Less about what’s happening to you…
and more about how connected you are to yourself in the moment.
Which brings me to a simple exercise.
The 3-Minute Exercise
If you can, grab a pen and paper.
Go somewhere quiet.
And write down 20 things that bring you joy. If you want to push it a little harder try for 25.
That’s it.
Simple… but not easy.
Most People Get Stuck
The first time I did this, I got to about 10… and then I hit a wall.
Nothing. Blank.
And that’s when it hits you, we’re not used to thinking this way.
We’re conditioned to:
- focus on problems
- fix what’s wrong
- chase outcomes
- stay in our heads
But not to stop… and actually notice what brings us joy.
What You’ll Start to See
If you stick with it, something interesting happens.
Your answers shift.
They stop being big, external things… and become small, present moments.
Things that always land on this list for me:
- my morning coffee
- watching my pets play
- a hug from someone I love
- picking something fresh from the garden
- sitting quietly and watching the sky change colour
And you realise something pretty powerful…
Most of the things that bring you joy don’t cost anything.
They’ve just been sitting there… waiting for your attention.
This Is About Taking Your Power Back
When life gets hard, it’s easy to feel trapped in it.
Like your state is being dictated by everything happening around you.
But this exercise does something subtle.
It reminds you:
“You are in control - you may not be able to control what happens but you can control how you react to it.”
It shows us that we can still connect to ourself, nature and others, regardless of our challenges.
And that bring the power back into our life.
Joy Doesn’t Remove Pain — It Sits Beside It
This isn’t about bypassing reality.
It’s about expanding it.
You can be:
- struggling… and still find a moment of joy
- under pressure… and still feel gratitude
- hurting… and still experience connection
And those moments matter more than you think.
Because they shift your state.
And when you shift your state, even slightly, you change how you move through everything else.
Give It a Go
Try it and see how far you get.
If you get stuck at 10… good. Take more time, quietent the mind and think.
Push through.
Go to 20.
Or even 25 if you’re feeling brave.
And I’d genuinely love to know:
What surprised you?
What did you forget was there?
What came back into focus?
Because sometimes…joy isn’t missing.
You’ve just been looking somewhere else.