There’s a concept I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: losing yourself to find yourself.
And I don’t mean losing yourself in the dramatic, “move to a mountain and become a monk” kind of way (unless you fancy it). I mean something easier, more powerful, and honestly… more life-changing:
Losing the false version of yourself.
The version built from old stories. Old labels. Old shame. Old standards you didn’t even choose.
Because sometimes, without realizing it, we’re living in a false reality about who we are.
We’re walking around wearing beliefs like:
- “I’m not enough.”
- “I’m too much.”
- “I’m unlovable.”
- “I’m unworthy.”
- “I’m a mess.”
- “I always ruin things.”
And what’s mad is… the things you dislike most about yourself?
Sometimes other people admire those exact things in you.
John Bon Jovi Inspired This
There’s a quote from Bon Jovi that stayed with me:
“Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find the person you’re meant to be.”
Now, in recent years he’s had issues with his voice — and when singing is a huge part of how the world knows you, losing that can feel like losing you.
But here’s the bit I want to explore:
Sometimes life takes something away and it forces you to re-evaluate.
But other times… we don’t need life to take something away.
Sometimes we need to choose to let go.
Not of the real you — but of the false stories about you.
The truth: you’re not broken - you’re layered
Most self-loathing isn’t the truth. It’s usually the result of:
- childhood labels
- a moment you never forgave yourself for
- someone else’s criticism landing at the wrong time
- comparison
- a “standard” that was never designed for your personality
And if we can start peeling those layers away — the “I’m not enough” layers — something starts to appear underneath:
Your actual beauty.
Your real nature.
Your strengths.
Your uniqueness.
I love that line: God don’t make no mistakes.
However you phrase it spiritually, the point lands:
You’re not an accident. You’re not a mistake.
You’re an amazing individual.
A simple exercise To Get You Started On This Journey
Grab a notepad. Draw a line down the middle.
Left side: things you like about yourself
Right side: things you don’t like about yourself
Now the key part:
Go through every single item and ask:
- Why do I like or dislike this about me?
- What story am I telling myself about it? (for both like and dislike)
- Where did that story come from?
- Is it actually true or is it something I was led to believe?
Because that’s where the magic is. Not in the list — in the why.
Example: “I’m a scatterbrain”
Maybe you write:
“I’m a scatterbrain.”
And you’ve decided that’s a flaw.
But when you ask “why?” you might realise the real truth is something like:
- You’re creative.
- You think in patterns.
- You make connections other people miss.
- You move quickly.
- You’re brilliant at starting, imagining, inventing.
Sure — maybe you leave a trail of chaos behind you. 
But that doesn’t make you unworthy. It makes you human.
And once you can see the truth of it, you can manage the messy side without hating yourself for having the gift.
That’s the shift:
From self-attack to self-understanding.
From shame to strategy.
From self-loathing to self-loving.
Loving yourself doesn’t mean pretending you’re perfect
This is important:
Loving yourself isn’t saying, “Everything I do is amazing and nobody can question me.”
It’s more like:
“I can see what’s brilliant about me… and I can also see what creates friction… and I can work with it.”
When you embrace yourself properly, you actually become more able to grow — because you’re not wasting energy fighting who you are.
One warning: don’t become a fake version of someone else
There’s one thing I want to warn you against:
Don’t try to become a person that isn’t authentically you.
You know the vibe — doing things because you think you should to look the part.
You’ll never find me posting a photo of my watch at 4:30am like, “Rise and grind.”
That’s not me. And pretending to be someone else is just another false story in disguise.
Admire people who do that if it’s their authentic life — brilliant.
But your journey is your journey.
Pull the thread (even if it stings)
Sometimes you do this work and you pull on one thread… and it unravels something else.
Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes you realise you’ve carried a story for decades that was never yours to carry.
But it’s worth it - because on the other side is something you can’t fake:
Peace with yourself.
And when you get that, you find that amazing creature called you.
You are a miracle.
Every person on this planet is a miracle.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
