Most of us don’t realise when we’re triggered — we just feel off.
The moment passes, but the feeling lingers. And often, we don’t know why.
Other times, of course you know when a trigger occurs, and the subsequent emotional chaos.
Over the years, I’ve learned that these moments aren’t random. They’re invitations.
Signals that something deeper is being touched — usually a belief we didn’t consciously choose.
This article is a follow-up to a video I shared about unravelling false stories. It’s about a simple practice I still use today — one that’s helped me uncover fears that weren’t true, recognise unhealthy dynamics, and rewrite stories about myself that quietly shaped how I showed up in the world.
Becoming the Observer
This practice is inspired by the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, particularly the idea of presence and awareness.
At its heart is one simple shift:
You are not your emotions — you are the one observing them. When we learn to observe instead of immediately reacting, we create space. And that space gives us choice.
It is a wonderful empowerment when you master this.
The Simple Three-Step Practice
This is the exact process I follow. It’s simple, but it takes honesty and patience.
Step 1: Notice the Emotional Response
The first step is awareness.
When an emotion rises, don’t judge it or suppress it — just notice it.
Ask yourself, how does this present physically:
- Does my chest tighten?
- Is my heart racing?
- Do I feel flushed, defensive, angry, or small?
Even naming what’s happening starts to bring you back into control.
Instead of being inside the reaction, you’re now observing it.
I have found that this alone can help stop emotions from running away with you.
Step 2: Identify the Trigger (Not the Story Yet)
This step isn’t about why you feel this way — not yet.
It’s about what triggered the response.
Was it:
- an email?
- a conversation?
- a news story?
- someone’s tone, look, or offhand comment?
Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes it isn’t. This is where patience is needed. Perhaps you identify the WHAT, but you will observe it a few times to make sure.
I remember a moment years ago when I was having a genuinely great day. Then suddenly - agitated, unsettled, off-balance. My partner noticed immediately and asked what was going on.
That simple question brought me into the present.
When I traced it back, I realised an interaction earlier in the day had subtly affected me. Over time, by observing this pattern across multiple encounters, I came to identify a toxic person in my life, that was quietly eroding my sense of self.
That’s often how manipulative or toxic dynamics work — especially if you’re an empath.
Most times these sorts of people know how to "chip away" at you and slowly erode you. Nothing obvious. Nothing dramatic. Just enough to leave you feeling off after each interaction.
Observation brings clarity where confusion once lived, and a wonderful way to work through it.
Step 3: Question the Story Beneath the Trigger
This is where the real work happens. When we try to figure out the WHY we feel that way.
Ask yourself:
“What story am I telling myself about this?”
Triggers aren’t the problem.
They’re the doorway to the belief underneath.
That belief might come from:
- family conditioning
- inherited religious conditioning
- work culture
- a past mistake
- an old trauma
- something said to you once that stuck far longer than it should have
Here’s a simple example from my own life.
For years, I carried the belief that I “never finished anything.” It was said often enough that I accepted it as truth.
When I actually examined it, the reality was different.
I didn’t fail to finish — I failed to say no.
I took on too much with good intentions, underestimated timelines, and things ran late. But they did get done.
Once that false story was exposed, it lost its grip.
I stopped judging myself — and started setting boundaries.
That’s what rewriting a story looks like.
Reauthoring Your Inner Narrative
When a false belief is brought into awareness, it loosens.
- You react less.
- You absorb less that isn’t yours.
- You stop confusing awareness with weakness.
- And instead of self-criticism, you gain clarity.
You may need a close friend for this at first, because when we are in self judgement mode we can't see our value.
This practice doesn’t require years of therapy or hours of meditation. It requires presence, honesty, and a willingness to question the stories you inherited.
A Simple Tool to Get Started
If this resonates, I’ve put together a simple one-page cheat sheet that walks through this practice step by step.
It’s something I still use myself.
If you’d like a copy, just message me on socials or leave a comment below, and I’ll happily send it over.
Unravelling false beliefs is often the first step toward:
- healthier boundaries
- deeper self-trust
- and reconnecting with who you actually are beneath the noise
It’s a powerful skill — and a meaningful place to begin.
