Lately, it feels like everything is a battle.
Opinions are shouted. Lines are drawn. And whether it’s politics, identity, health, or culture, there’s a quiet (or loud) pressure to pick a side — even when it doesn’t feel that simple.
I don’t know about you, but I find that exhausting.
Somewhere along the way, we seem to have lost the ability to disagree and remain human with each other. Debate has turned into division. Conversation into confrontation. And often, people who simply see the world differently are treated like enemies.
What I want to share here isn’t a solution to all of that — but it is something that has helped me find more peace in the middle of it all.
The Letter That Changed How I See Disagreement
I once saw a speaker do a simple exercise.
They held up a letter and asked the audience what it was.
Most people would say: B.
But when the speaker turned it around, from their perspective, it was clearly a D.
So who was right?
The answer, of course, is both.
From where you’re standing, you’re right.
From where I’m standing, I’m right.
And that small, almost silly example contains something powerful: perspective matters.
Perspective Doesn’t Mean Agreement
Understanding someone else’s point of view doesn’t mean you have to agree with it.
It doesn’t mean abandoning your values or silencing your voice.
It simply means recognizing that the story you’re telling yourself might not be the full story.
Social media doesn’t help here. Algorithms are designed to show us more of what we already believe, which can quietly narrow our worldview. Unless we actively step outside our bubble, it’s easy to forget that there are other experiences, histories, and interpretations shaping the way people see the world.
“This Is the Story I’m Telling Myself”
One of the most useful practices I’ve learned — and still use — is this simple phrase:
“This is the story I’m telling myself.”
- I use it in difficult conversations.
- I use it in disagreements.
- I even use it in close relationships.
That sentence creates space.
It allows the other person to say, “That’s not what I meant,” or “That wasn’t my intention.”
It moves the conversation away from accusation and towards understanding.
When we try to understand the stories others are telling themselves — or the stories they’ve been told — something shifts. People stop being villains. They become human again.
Beneath It All, We Want the Same Things
Here’s something I’ve noticed over and over again:
Most people want the same basic things.
- Safety.
- Health.
- Happiness for their family and friends.
- A good life in a decent world.
Even during deeply polarizing times, like COVID, political upheaval, or social change - the end desire is often shared, even if the paths to get there look wildly different.
When we remember that, it becomes harder to dehumanize each other.
Anger Isn’t the Enemy — Dehumanization Is
Anger itself isn’t unhealthy.
If something is unjust, unfair, or harmful, anger can be a natural and appropriate response. What matters is how we express it — and who we aim it at.
When we personalize anger toward entire groups, races, religions, or identities, we lose nuance. We lose connection. And often, we end up fighting battles that are largely manufactured.
Understanding perspective doesn’t mean excusing bad behaviour — but it does stop us from turning everyone into an enemy.
Stories Build Bridges
When we share stories, ours and theirs, something remarkable can happen.
We can try to meet in the middle.
We soften.
We listen.
we understand.
And sometimes, we even change our minds.
So if you’ve ever shifted your opinion simply by hearing someone else’s story or understanding their perspective, I’d genuinely love to hear about it.
Share it in the comments.
That’s where real conversation begins.
